well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
