my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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