We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
