peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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