i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
