I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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