haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I see more hoeing in ur future
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
