they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
