Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
