i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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