just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
