i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
