honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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