Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
