i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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