When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
