Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
