Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
