Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
