awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
