SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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