Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
