these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
