she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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