how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
