My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
