she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
