You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
