every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize