he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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