your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
