I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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