i think my tv is drunk
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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