i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So many bounce houses so little time
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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