I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
