I need help removing her.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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