literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
