where am i from again
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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