im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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