I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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