i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
