Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
