Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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