I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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