he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
