If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
