Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
