ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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