These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize