Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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