i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
