Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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