I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize