I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
