I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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