He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
