Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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