Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
