You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
