It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Who died my cat blue again?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
