Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
