Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
