Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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