So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
pray to the hookup gods
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
