if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
