I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
