Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
