You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
