How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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