Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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