You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
