there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's blow job season.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
