i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize