Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
