i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
